Friday, July 15, 2011

Five Minute Friday {Loss}

Gypsy Mama has given the prompt Loss for Five Minute Friday.
And, she also gave us permission to use more than five minutes...
I think I'll have to take her up on that.

Ready, Set, Write.

Sometimes our greatest gains, only come after the most significant losses.

When we had our ultrasound that showed us we would lose our firstborn child,
we also lost the ability to have naive giddiness about all our future pregnancies.
We would never again just go in for an ultrasound with light hearts.
We lost some the innocent excitement.

But with the loss, we gained greater trust.
Trust that our baby was in God's hands, no matter what.
We gained greater love.
Love that is willing to love the one who is unlovely to most.
Love that is willing to love with our whole self,
even if we know the life will be short & the heart break will be great.

We gained a small understanding of His peace.  His peace that is beyond understanding.
I don't understand it still, really.  But, I know it is great.  It is incomprehensible.

We lost some happy-go-luckiness.
We gained a longing for heaven & wholeness.
We gained insight into others pain.

I lost my perfectly happy little family dreams.
That allowed me to open my heart to the orphan.
It is okay if adoption will be a bit messy.
I know now my family wasn't meant to be sheltered from pain.
The pain of the loss of my son,
has given me courage to gain more sons (&/or daughters),
who will come to me with their own history of loss & pain.

This one took me 10 minutes.  I leave it at that.


Anonymous said...

I can see why you took the extra time we were allowed this week! This is a beautiful reflection on loss and a much-needed reminder that gain sometimes accompanies loss.

Anonymous said...

This is a lovely post and through your loss you have gained much, especially wisdom.

The Wild Optimist said...

Oh my. Your self reflection is so poignant- and has given me something I will want to come back to read again. Thank you.

Nini said...

You do such a great job of expressing the deep pain and the great joy. Thank you for being an example of living each day with trust and reliance on Jesus.

Quinn said...

Love this post! It is so true, and we really do gain so much by losing something so dear to us. Our hearts open even wider than we could have ever imagined.

Melissa Joy said...

So honestly familiar.
I love this window into your heart.

martha brady said...

so true! this carries over for me to grandchilren as well. yes, we lost our first daughter to stillbirth at 8 months. a few days short of a year later, our daughter Dawn was born. she just turned 40.
we have 6 grandchildren and have lost 2 to miscarriage in addition. i feel like i'm holding my breath a bit until those babies are born...and all is well. i'm never able to take safe births for granted...for either mom or baby.
thanks for sharing your heart. martha