Friday, November 26, 2010

Why I Never Ask my Husband to Babysit

It's not that I don't trust him.  I do.
It's not that I feel bad about leaving the kids with him.  I don't.


The thing is, I don't ask him to babysit our kids, because they are our kids.
They are not my kids, whom he watches occasionally.
He's the dad.  He's is just as much of a parent as I am.


He may feed them something different for dinner than I would.
That's okay.
He may do a different bed time routine, when I am not there.
That's okay.
He may say "no" to things I would say "yes" to.  (play dough)
He may say "yes" to things I would say "no" to.  (extra stories at bed time)



We don't do every thing the same.  But we are a team.
And we are both happy to be active parents.

But, sometimes we do things without the kids.
Sometimes I go grocery shopping at night.
Sometimes I have a wedding flower job on the weekend.
Tomorrow morning I will sit for 3 hours at the blood lab.
(I failed my first glucose test for gestational diabetes...)



True, I don't just assume he will be here to watch the kids whenever I want.
I do ask him.  I ask my husband if it will work for him.
But, he does the same for me.
Being the stay at home mom (which I am so glad to be!)
doesn't mean I am the one who is responsibility for the kids.
Scott does not assume he should make whatever plans he wants at any time.
If he has plans something he wants to go out & do, he asks if it will work for me.



Scott cares for our kids often.  But, I will never ask him to babysit them.

14 comments:

Stef said...

yes and AMEN! I love this post. This is something I think a lot of men actually need to understand and not so much the wives. I meet men all the time that have the attitude of "these are your children, I watch them for you when you need a break." I don't think they always mean for it to come off or sound that way... but the attitude of "I will watch the kids for you." is very much a baby sitter type attitude.

I also wonder if it conveys that to your kids. Maybe its why some kids even treat Daddy's like they're not really one of the parents?

In a similar way we wives need to be careful not to act like our husbands "get away" to work :)

Stef said...

ps. all the pics are cute, but that last one with him and Gillian is SO cute.

LindaFaye said...

Our language says a lot. I have seen lots of my friends break up family responsibilities in different ways.

I know some couples are 50-50 when it comes to child care and others are more weighted to the woman doing most of the child care... I love how God allows us to be who we are even in parenting and family roles.

Still, it does bother me when parents use the term babysitting when referring to their own children. What are they doing the rest of the time?

Nicola S. said...

Thank you Erin for sharing your thoughs about husband watch, not babysitting OUR children.

On another note, love the little turkey name cards! So cute.

Christy said...

Great post and very well said.

Native American Momma said...

I hope that is one of the things you are thankful for in your life because not everyone has that. It seems like that is how it should be but it isn't always.

Sorry you failed your 1 hour :( I just took mine and I spend an hour trying not to "get rid" of that glucola

Erin said...

Thank you Native American Momma - I am extremely grateful for Scott, for the husband he is & the father he is. I know he is a blessing!

I also think Linda is right about our language saying a lot. Some dads may be eager to step up to the responsibility, if they treated as capable parents & treated with respect. I know that doesn't fix all problems, though!

Erin said...

Oh! I passed my 3 hour. I just found out this morning. No diabetes!!

Stephanie said...

Erin, I just read your comment about passing the glucose test! Yay! What a huge relief that must be.

I really appreciated this post as this is a topic Tim and I have discussed. We don't use terms like "babysitting" or "daddy daycare" when discussing normal parental care either.

Thanks for sharing your heart and being a part of the blogosphere!

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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Native American Momma said...

I hope that is one of the things you are thankful for in your life because not everyone has that. It seems like that is how it should be but it isn't always.

Sorry you failed your 1 hour :( I just took mine and I spend an hour trying not to "get rid" of that glucola

hannah singer said...

very good. thanks for the encouragement to be a team with my husband! xo

Anonymous said...

Yes! I couldn't agree more. I used to love Saturdays with my father when my mom was at work. Things were done a little differently. It's so important for kids to experience that. I fully trust my husband to care for our kids and I don't expect him to follow my instructions. We agree on the big picture stuff but who cares if we don't do things exactly the same. Your post really articulated this so well. Thank you!

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