Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Trust by Testing

I look at my blog analytic page every once and while.  There's not a ton of interesting stuff reported there.  Because really, I don't get much traffic here.  Most of the strangers coming  here are for the handful of preschool lessons I blogged about a couple years ago.  
Something that I do find interesting is that one of my Marriage Letters gets visits on a regular basis.  "I trust you because".  This post is visited via people doing a search on words like, "I trust you" or "trust and love".

Trust really is crucial to bonding.  Love grows in the context of trust.  I hear that people who have "trust issues" have a hard time in relationship.  This might be a partial truth.  But, I think this mostly has to do with the relationship.  Trust is learned, only in the context of relationship.  Relational trust cannot be learned by one person, unless there is another one whom they are learning to trust.  To trust is to Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone (or thing).

Since my marriage letter about trust continues to get hits, I've gone back to read it several times lately.  I think the summary of why I trust my husband so much would be, because when I have doubts, he allows me to probe into them.  He tells me and shows me why he can be found trustworthy.  My trust for him is not just because I am a hopeful, optimistic person.  I think my trust for him is more about him, than it is about me.  My trust for him has been building on years of testing.  

Yes.  Testing.  Not the sort of test that is pass or fail.  Not the sort of thing where I question my husband to try to put him in a hard spot.  And yet, sometimes the testing in our relationship of trust can be painful.  It can be confusing, as we both reach out to understand what the other one is trying to communicate.  When I find my husband to be trustworthy, that doesn't mean he always comes out looking perfect, either.  To the contrary, really.  We learn to trust each other more when we tell the truth, even and especially about our struggles and weaknesses.  Trust is built on honesty and truth, not on perfection.  But, as we keep bringing forth questions and doubts and the things we wonder about ("should I trust you here?") and the answers are honest, we can keep building up the confidence of our mutual love.  

Have you ever felt like you should not bother your husband with "too many emotions"?  Have you been told that there are certain questions that are just too silly, or too invasive to ask a husband?  Go over here and read this list of "5 questions you should never ask your husband".  Tell me, have you asked questions like this before?  What do you think?  Always bad and foolish to bring your worries and insecurities into the open, or can it be healing and productive?
Us?  We've discussed each questions extensively.  And not in an emotionless, I'm-just-curious sort of fashion.  Sometimes I cried, and sometimes he was frustrated, wondering why I questioned his integrity.  Trust is built on honesty, not on keeping the hard things out of conversations.  We trust the integrity of something, once it is tested and stills holds strong and true.
I don't see how this sort of hesitancy will keep your fears at bay, and it may rob your husband of being able to tell you more about what it thinks about such things.  You risk loosing out on a great trust test, if you are afraid to ask hard questions.  You will miss out on both of you being able to sharpen each other and grow through your different understanding of things.  

Our relationship of trust has been built upon many honest answers, many earnest efforts of vulnerability, many trials and testings.  So far, I keep finding more and more reasons to trust that I am married to a trustworthy man.  He says he finds me to be a woman whom he can trust, too.  May it only increase.

photo somewhat unrelated, but here is us at Fort Baker, San Francisco.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Peyton's Interview on Being Five {super tardy}

How do you like being Five?  Nice.

What is the best thing about Five?  Playing video games and going on dates.

What is the best date you have ever been on?
Going out for hot chocolate with Mommy and looking at fire trucks.

What video game do you most want to get?  Lego Hobbits

What is your favorite bedtime song that mommy sings to you?  "Peace"
and he holds up two fingers.
The song the kids call Peace is Michael Card's Numbers 6:24 lullaby,
The Lord Bless You and Keep You...
Although he is claiming Peace as his favorite,
he most often chooses "Black and White" (Jesus Loves the Little Children)
and "Jesus Paid it All".

What is the best book you have ever read?  The Hobbit

What's your favorite food as a five year old?  Little macaroni and cheese, not the shells one.
(translation: Kraft brand, not Annie's brand)

What's your favorite color?  Green, blue and yellow.

What do you like best: wrestling, playing Avengers or riding bikes?  Wrestling

What do you like best: laughing, snorting or growling? Growling.

What do you most look forward leaning in school next year?  Learn about stories.

What is new and exciting about being Five?  Being six next.

What else do you want to tell me about life as a five year old?  Nofhing

Friday, April 5, 2013

Some of What has been Happening

I haven't been on here for so long.  It wasn't planned.  Things just happened.  One of which was having no internet connection for 3 weeks.  Many of the other things are now forgotten by me.  We did a lot of normal stuff, just hanging out, being our family.

But, stuff happened, and somehow it meant that I didn't blog for 6 weeks.
Some of the happenings would be -

Um.  During this period my son turned 5 years old!  Peyton is such a cool five year old.  
And we had a great birthday celebration. 

His wish was to go to Golf Land for his birthday.  
We drove over to Sunnyvale, to my childhood neighborhood. 
My parents and siblings and the cousins met us there.
We went to Inside N Out for the birthday request of cheeseburgers afterward.  
Look at this crew!

It was a super fun day.

A few days later was his actual birthday and we had a simple family celebration at home.
Peyton really is such a sweet, crazy, fun guy.  
It would be hard not to love him!
his eyes are super sensitive to bright.  so, it is a hard thing to look at all.those.candles.

His dad's panicked enthusiasm is distracting.  he has to push his cheeks down to keep from laughing.

We also had Hummingbird Days up at the UC Santa Cruz Arboretum.
Scott was a volunteer guide for the weekend.
The event was super fun for the whole family & Scott loved being part of the guided walks.

We went on a little last minute planned vacation to Palm Springs.  So, that was awesome.
It was a perfect vacation.  (Even though it involved some whining children, some parents coercing children to stay quite in a hotel room and an awful breakfast at Elmer's.)

It turned out that Palm Springs wasn't really a typical family vacation spot.
We may have had only one parent/child spotting, while in Palm Springs.
Any other children seen appeared to be with Grandparents.
And yet, we found it to be a fabulous vacation spot for our family.
I'll post separately about our favorite spots for a kid-friendly vacation in Palm Canyon.

I "ran" in my first race - the "pinkest" race.
Here is our running team, only part of the gals in my family made it to the race.  
But all these gals crossed the finish line.  
We had a blast.  This is us post race.  The real deal.

I took the kids on a little farm tour school field trip at Wilder Ranch.  
We love this state park!  
I want to go back for their next event, April 27th, Sheep Shearing!

Also, during this time, the daddy was traveling overseas for a couple weeks for work.
He went to Amsterdam, South Africa, Kenya, Spain and Morocco!

Sevilla, Spain



Then my husband came home and it was sweet and we celebrated Easter.
(and didn't get any great pictures)

And now he has finally adjusted to our time zone.
That is something we are all glad about!