First Lessons in Parenting

8 years ago today was a day that I don't think I will ever forget.
It was the day we went in to have our first ultrasound,
to check on the well being of our first baby.

I was nervous that day.  I had been having a large amount of blood loss.
We were trying to find out why.
The worst case scenario I had in my mind was
Placenta Previa and a necessary C-section.
It turned out that Placenta Previa would've been great news,
compared to what we got.
The tech told us our baby had something called Anencephaly.
We'd never heard of it.  What did it mean?
It meant that being born would turn out to be fatal for our baby.
He would not be able to survive for very long, once outside of my womb.

On February 6th, we found out that we would see our baby die, and soon.
We only had a few months of being able to parent Gabriel.
But we learned some life changing lessons in parenting
(and about love in general).

We loved our son.
But we also knew that our love would not change the course of his life.
Our love, as parents to child, was not about him making us proud.
Our love for him would not take away the hard stuff.
Our love for him would not make him into a better person.

Our love could only be about giving;
Genuinely giving all we had.

Sometimes we as parents, (spouses, friends, whatever),
get our actions of loved mixed up with actions of control.

We tell ourselves if we love them enough, then they'll love us enough.
If we love them enough, their life will be free from hardship.
If we love them enough, they will make all the right choices.

But not really...

Love is about giving.  It is not about results.
Love is powerful.  Don't get me wrong.
But the power of love is something we don't have much control over ourselves.
As soon as we start controlling with it, and trying to accomplish our will with it,
we aren't actually giving our heart in love anymore.

This lesson in parenting that our firstborn helped to teach us
is a key foundation for adoption.
Are we nervous about being the right parents for this child
who is currently a stranger to us?
Yes, if we're honest, we are.
Are we worried that he might have "problems"?
Are we nervous about the way he will "turn out"?
No, not really.
Not because we think he will be problem-free, and we are sure he will "turn out" well.
It's because being a parent is not about controlling the child and the end results.
But being a good parent is a lot about loving your child well.

Loving well is about giving, and not controlling what is done with that love.
Just love all the way.  Give it with joy.  We don't know what that love will accomplish.

This song, "All of Me" always reminds me of Gabriel.
Matt Hammit wrote this song when he & his wife were given a diagnosis
for their baby (still in the womb) that could be fatal.
I think the message can apply to a lot.
It's about loving all the way,
even though there is nothing sure about what the love will accomplish.

Bake Sale Report + the recipe for the Best Cream Scones

A few weeks ago we had a bake sale in our driveway to raise money for our adoption.
We were given a total of $1,450 by generous friends, family, acquaintances & strangers!

We were blown away!  What a blessing!  Thank you to everyone!

And, here's a recipe that many folks have requested.  Cream Scones.
These are from Williams-Sonoma Essentials of Baking,
which is a super awesome cookbook.  I highly recommend it.
These scones are so good because they have a high fat content.
And, I think it matters that there are no eggs in these.
All other recipes I have found online have an egg or two in them.
I believe adding an egg to your scone is a bad choice.
Have your egg on the side, scrambled or however you like it.
But don't put it inside.

Best Cream Scones

2 cups Flour
1/4 cup Sugar
1 tablespoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt
2 teaspoons grated Lemon Zest
6 tablespoons cold Butter, cut into small squares.
1/2 cup dried Currants OR dried Apricots OR Chocolate Chips OR whatever
3/4 cup Heavy Cream

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Line your cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Combine your dry ingredients (1-5) until well mixed.
Cut in your butter until it forms large, coarse crumbs about the size of little peas.
Scatter your fruit or chocolate or whatever, over the dough.
Pour in the cream and mix until you form a moist mass.

Turn your dough out onto a lightly floured counter and gently press it into a ball.
Press your mound down into a round that is about 1/2 high.
With a large knife, cut your round into 6 - 8 wedges.
Place the wedges onto your cookie sheet,
leaving about 1 inch of space between the scones.

Hopefully you have a little more Heavy Cream left.  About a tablespoon, or so...
Brush the tops of your scones withe cream.  Then sprinkle with sugar.

Bake in your 425 oven until lightly golden brown on the tops, about 13-17 minutes.
Let cool slightly.  But, these are good warm!

About the Web {for the love of little ones}

November is National Adoption Month.

All my links will be about loving the vulnerable little ones.

An online auction for A Child's Voice {advocacy for Africa's Children}
running now through November 29th.

On Earth as it is in Heaven - by Katie Davis (just won Glamour magazine’s Woman of the Year!)

“The hurt doesn't stop…  Who is God on the days when love just doesn't feel like enough?”

Seen in my facebook feed –

 “NATURAL CHILD: Any child who is not artificial. 

REAL PARENTS: Any parent who is not imaginary. 

YOUR OWN CHILD: Any child who is not someone else's child. 

ADOPTED CHILD: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own."


Selah by Shannon Church

“His grace is sufficient. His love is pure.

This hasn’t just been a journey for a little girl to find her forever family –

but a journey of sanctification in all of our hearts.”

My friend Anastasia has been posting every day this month on the subject of adoption.

Today there is a  little guest post from a member of a bio family.

::Connection::  by Lovelyn Palm

“connect now.  hold tight now.  stay in the now.

steadfast with each of them because it really is true how quickly it slips by.”

the only one willing to clean up with a happy heart today...

Thanksgiving {#8} for Provisions & for You All

I am grateful for every single person who has helped us in funding our adoption.

We are so blessed by seeing our friends and family pull together with us!

I am planning a December Bake sale.
I think it should be fun.  I'll let folks know the details, soon.

Do you see the little adoption fund thermometer on the sidebar?
We are $706 away from $12,500.
Once we reach that dollar amount,
we have a promised gift of $5,000 that will be added!
$17,500 is super close to our goal.  Wow!

If you want to give to our fund, there are a couple ways.
See our page "Ways to Care".
At the top there is a link to our fund kept by Lifesong for Orphans.
You must designate with our name and fund number - Adams #2627
If you donate to this fund, you can get a tax deductible receipt.
If you want that for your 2012 tax return,
be sure to get it into Lifesong prior to December 31st

Another way to help us fund our adoption is to buy coffee or hot chocolate
from our storefront with Just Love Coffee.
For every bag of coffee you buy, they send $5 to our adoption fund!

The current news on our adoption is, we are still waiting!
We have had our dossier waiting in country for just over 12 months now.
We will start to update all our paperwork in the coming months,
since it expires at the 18 months mark.

We can't have a good guess as to when we will receive a referral of a little child.
It could be another year.  Or it could be a good deal shorter than that.
We continue to ask God to prepare our hearts and minds
and our little family for this blessed addition.

Photo Source -  weheartit.com via Erin on Pinterest

Learning & Walking Together in Loss

It seems hard to believe that it was seven years ago when our first child was born.

It feels strange almost.  Seven years old seems like such a big kid age.

As Gabriel’s birthday comes around this year another thing that feels strange are my emotions.

It is hard for me to pin them down & I am lacking clarity of thought.

My grief is most certainly not as piercing. 

When I turn my thoughts toward memories of him, it is usually more like a dull ache.

The tears don’t spill out as quickly or as violently.

I want to write something eloquent on this occasion. 

The calming of emotions makes it more difficult to access, I suppose.

We may not be able to make it to his grave site this week.

We always go for his birthday. 

I will be sad if we don’t make it there.

But, I am a little hesitant for the first time, too.

My confidence in guiding the kids through the muddy path of grief is rather shaky right now.

This past year has been interesting, in seeing how my various kids are processing the fact

that they never knew their oldest brother.

Gillian never forgets about Gabriel.  Ever. 

Any time anyone comments or asks about the size of our family, she always includes Gabriel. 

Strangers comment casually all the time about, “Wow- 3 girls & only 1 boy!  Poor little guy…” 

Gillian corrects every time – “No, we have 2 boys & 3 girls.”

Whenever she asks me about him, it is evident she has really been thinking about things. 

Peyton sometimes mentions to me how sad it is that he never got to see his brother.

Moira asks why he died.  And she tells me often how sorry she is that he died.

Scott & I don’t talk about Gabriel on a regular basis.

When we do speak of him & his life,

it is most often in the darkness of night, whispered from pillow to pillow.

Although I write about him here, the conversation is not a common part of our life.

I have to think most of their questions & thoughts about their brother

were birthed from our annual trip to his grave.

I wonder if it too much for them. 

But even as I wonder that, I know also that this is our family’s story.

I don’t want to brush it under the rug, so my kids can’t see it.

They already know it is there.  I can’t really hide it at this point.

It is a little bit scary learning to hold their hands & speak healing to their hearts.

It is scary because I don’t know what they are feeling & what they might ask.

But, isn’t that life?  I’m glad God is in control, because I don’t quite know what I’m doing.

Source: sfgate.com via Tasha on Pinterest

I think Jesus is shaping our family to welcome in another.

One who is most likely already knee deep in the muddy path of grief & loss.

We will have to learn along the way about his sorrows & fears.

Jesus, teach me to listen with a compassionate & wise ear.

Train my tongue to be an instrument of healing.

This is Spring, Here & Now

Last week when friends were leaving our house, post play time, 

Gillian shouted out, "Have a happy spring!"

She is really fascinated with spring & the seasons.

I love it.

Spring here & now means that my bush of love, i.e. my snowball bush, is in full bloom.

They are the prettiest flowers in the world. 

Kendall was sitting pretty on our little park bench from her Papa.

She has turned the corner from baby to toddler.  

She walks everywhere now.

That adorable flat foot stomping, rather bow legged walking.

She is also really good at answering "yes" or "no" with head nodding & wagging.

It makes us laugh.

Spring here & now means we have so many carrots from our farm share.  

All I want to do with them is make the best carrot cake in the world.

I can't get Moira to say she wants carrot cake for her birthday.  

Every time I ask her, she says she wants Chocolate.

Here, right now, we are getting ready to go to Butte Valley, 

our twice yearly work trip to the middle of nowhere.

The kids are counting down the days.

This spring, here & now, Gillian & I are doing the reading curriculum called
Spell to Read & Write.
She is loving it!
We hope she will be reading by fall.
We also hope to go camping this summer.  We hope to have the kids learn to swim.
VBS, art classes & learning two wheel bike riding are all on the agenda.

The house here right now (& almost all the time) is rather a mess.
I want to take my vacuum in for a tune-up.  But, how can I part with it for longer than a day?
I don't even want to know how nasty things would be.

Right now, this week, I am going to be baking for a local Cupcake Kids sale.
Have you heard of Sixty Feet?  It is a ministry to children in Uganda who live in prison.
Yes - children behind bars!  Go here to learn more.
Have a sale of your own, right where you live.
Or, if you life in Santa Cruz area, come to Catherine's bake sale on Saturday!

Right now this spring, we are trying to raise some funds for our adoption.

Did you know that Lifesong for Orphans has approved us for a matching funds grant?

Yes!  If you want to give a tax deductible gift to our adoption, 

go here to see where to send that gift.

Our family account number is 2627.  

If you give to Lifesong for our adoption, just reference Adams #2627.

You can also still buy coffee from Just Love as part of our fundraiser.

All your gifts, whether to the Lifesong account, or by buying Just Love coffee, 

will be matched by a good friend of ours, up to $5,000!

That is on top of Lifesong's matching fund gift of $2,500.

Right now I am thinking about the sermon we heard yesterday.

It was about how God gives hope for the control freaks of the world.

I wish I could have forced all of the control freaks I know to be there.

(oh the irony...)

I would rate myself as being at a reasonable spot on the scale of being controlling.

(Because I would only desire to be controlling when it seems reasonable, you know?)

AND YET, somehow the Holy Spirit was still able to convict my heart.

How much I have to give back to God!  

I am called to walk by faith & trust Him, even (& especially) when things don't go how I like.

Fear is the opposite of faith.  It is fear that drives us to try to take control.

We've got to give our fears & pride to Jesus & wait on Him.

And when I do my own thing & "mess things up", my gracious God can redeem that.

Jesus the Redeemer, even for control freaks.

That is some of our right here & now stuff this spring.

How about your's?  What are up to, planning, thinking about?

The All-Mysterious, All-Important Knowing

As a parent, I think one of the biggest jobs we have is to know our kids.

Isn't that central to a peaceful home & happy family?  

Being who you really are, understood & loved in all that,
is what makes family so special.

But, like a lot of parenting & relationships, there is no formula for knowing.

It's a bit mysterious, right?

Knowing requires continual learning & growing.  

It will always be changing & will never be fully grasped by us.

Can I tell you one of those "lines" that I hear often

about having a lot of kids that I never know how to answer?

"What's one more, when you have that many, right?!"

I get it.  I may have even said it in reverse more than once.

("I can hardly handle my two?  How do you do it?"
It is not so terribly different parenting four.)

It is true that the day to day operations of being a parent are quite similar
no matter the number of kids.

You have to be awake to take care of them, you need to feed them, 

you can't just head out for alone time, without making a bunch of arrangements 

to make sure the kid(s) are cared for.  And on & on, right?

But (and it is a big but) there is so much more than all that.  

And the saying, "what's one more?" really bothers me because
that one more is a whole different person.

That one more child is completely unique.  

For a parent, that is huge.  Another little person to learn to know.

To know your child well means you know how they need to be loved.

You know how to teach them effectively.

You know how to discipline them with understanding.

You know how to treat them with respect.

You know how to be patient & offer grace.

You know how to make them feel at home with you.

I know I am no expert at knowing.  I know that.

I know I want to be intentional in learning to know each of my kids.

Let's do a blog series on this, shall we?

I have some things rattling in my brain &
I have some hopes for some guest posts, too.

Schools for Zambia

 Join us to IMPACT lives in Zambia...   

    

"Hi.  My name is Richard.  I am in grade 7.  I stay with my sister, Josephine.  I have three brothers and two sisters.  My other sister attends Lifesong and is in grade 5.  Her name is Emelia.  My mother stays in a village far away.  My father died in 2006.  Thank you for supporting me and may God bless you and add more days to your life.  My favorite subject is art."

Richard is just ONE of the 253 students that we are blessed to serve at Lifesong Zambia.  He is also one of the students that will be moving on to grade 8 this fall.  

Without the construction of new classrooms, Richard may join the 95% of Zambian children that are not able to attend High School. 

Will you join us in impacting the lives of children like Richard?

To add to the excitement--thanks to a generous donor, all donations will be matched up to $225,000!!

  

To join the Impact Zambia 100 team, email info@lifesongfororphans.org!

When you email Lifesong, include my name (Erin Adams) as the place you heard.

They will enter me in a drawing for a trip to Orphan Summit VII. 

(Which I probably won't be able to attend anyway.  But, wishing 'n' hoping...)

Injera, Berbere & Red Lentils

Recipe for Fake Injera - 

The real deal would have Teff Flour.  I have yet to get any Teff flour.  

So, I can't tell you how much different this would be if I was using it.

Injera is much like a thick crepe or a thick pancake or maybe a bit like a tortilla.

It is very simple to prepare, but like crepe batter, should be mixed a bit ahead of time.

Here are the things I whisk together -

2 cups Self Rising Flour

1/3 cup Whole Wheat Flour

1/3 cup Cornmeal

2/3 teaspoon Active Dry Yeast

2 1/3 cup Warm Water

Cover & let it sit out for several hours, at least ( a day even).

Your batter needs to be bubbly & stretchy.

Now put about 2 cups of the batter into your blender.

Add some water, about 1/2 cup, & blend so it is pourable like a crepe batter.

It is a crepe pan that I actually use to cook mine.

You can use cast iron or non-stick.

Heat a dry pan (no oil!) to medium to med-high.

Swirl about 1/3 cup of batter in your hot pan & cook without disturbing.
You don't flip the Injera.  Just cook until done through, with tons of little bubbles across the surface.
It doesn't burn easily.  But, if it is on the thin side, & cooked too long, it will be crispy like a chip.
You don't want that.
You want a soft, flexi bread to dip in your lentils.
I pile mine in a towel, while they are all finishing, before serving.

Now onto the Ethiopian Red Lentils.
This is a slight adaption from the Saveur Ethiopian Lentil Stew

1 1/2 cup Red Lentils (or maybe called pink - they are more of a coral color, though)

4 teaspoons Butter

1/2  Yellow Onion, small diced

4 cloves Garlic, finely chopped

small can of Diced Tomatoes

3 Tablespoons Berbere  (of what?!!  I'll give you the recipe below.  It's an Ethiopian Spice mix.)

3 cups Water

Salt, to taste

Saute your onions in the butter, until onions are soft.  Add in garlic & saute for another minute.

Add in tomato & lentils.  Stir in Berbere.  Pour in 3 cups of water.

Bring to a gentle boil, then reduce heat to keep a gentle simmer.

Partially cover, but come back to your pot to stir occasionally.

Cook for about 40 minutes.

Go over to Saveur for the Berbere - Ethiopian Spice Mix

Eat!  Remember you don't need flatware.  You can just use the Injera to eat your lentils with.

Lenten Cooking

Is lenten a word?  Pertaining to lent?
Oh.  I'll google it.
Yes!  Relating to the observation of Lent.

So, after my "lesson" on cooking beans from the dry state,
my friend who is extremely skilled in the kitchen
politely questioned my sources...
I had some stuff wrong.
I have Harold McGee's text book
On Food & Cooking the science and lore of the kitchen.
My husband & I heard him speak.  He signed our book.
Shame on me for not consulting him on the matter of salt in the beans.
Thank you Kristen.  You are right.  (I'm not surprised.)
It is completely, scientificly false, to say that you will
spoil your beans by adding the salt too early.
Apparently the item that would hinder the softening of your beans is
 tomatoes & other acidic items.
So, beware when you fix your chili, I suppose. 
As for the soaking overnight issue - Harold still recommends this.
Your beans can cook without the soak.  But, they will not cook evenly.
The soaking soften the outer shell & allows the interior of the bean to cook,
once you turn the heat on.

Alright.  Enough about beans.
And, I should tell you.  We haven't been stricly faithful to our goal.
We "break the rules" occasionaly.
We were running late for church on Sunday,
so reached into the dark corner of the cabinet & got out Cliff Z bars.
Gillian said, "Mom, I love it when you break the rules."
That wasn't the only time, either...

Peyton has so many plans of things to eat for Easter.
Fruit snacks, burgers, bars, cereal, juice, Halloween candy,

In our simple eating adventure,
we have found a lunch menu to fall in love with.
Ethiopian Red Lentils & Injera
We love this little meal!  So super tasty!
If I took good food photos, I'd try to do a little post on it for you guys.
But I don't. 
But, maybe I still will. 
I'll just do it in a very unglamorous way.



bad food photo - injera batter being blended

Listen Up!

Holy lent season you guys!  I haven't been on this blog much lately, have I?
It hasn't been intentional. 
I guess I don't have many blogging thoughts, while operating on a beany brain.

And, I've been sewing ears.
Bunny ears.

This is what I am adding to the Spring bag giveaway. 

There will be at least two pairs of easter rabbit felt ears in the package for ya'll.

I'll post tomorrow what the actual ones look like.

You have until Sunday evening to enter into the drawing!

If you have donated to get an entry,

 & you also are a blog follower for an additional entry,

will you leave a comment telling me that you follow,

in case I miss you on the google follower list?

I'll be back by tomorrow!

Springy Gift Bag {win it}

We have a collection of springy items for you to have for your Easter celebration.

Be entered into the drawing to win by giving $5 toward our adoption!

Here's what you can get -

Fun Spring Shoulder Bag made by Monica Emmert- see details here.

a Stuffie Elephant made by me, out of Hilary Lang's pattern - see more here.

Beehouse teapot in lavender & 2 Beehouse tea cups in butter yellow - check out the line here!

Paper party straws in pink, gray & yellow (bundle of 15) - see more about them here.

Blackflower & Co. Hibiscus Mint tea - gorgeous color for spring drinking. - see details here.

Blackflower & Co. Signature Chai tea - drink it, of course.
But you can rub your Easter lamb with these spices, too. - see more here.

Little boy bow ties for Easter handsomeness - this one & this one.

Celebration Pennant Flags in bright colors {quantity 2} - see length details here.

Jar full of Italian Puntini gummies in spring flavors - I love these little candies!

A book for the grown ups &  book for the little kids.

and

Rabbit Ears!  These 3 pairs are for you, the winner.

Value of this Easter package is over $100!


Details for entries in the drawing ::
1. Give $5 to our adoption through Paypal for first entry.

2. "Follow" this blog for a second entry. (and tell me in your comment that you do follow.)

3. For each additional $5 given, you will get another entry.

For example, if you follow this blog & give $20, you will have 5 entries into the drawing.
(first $5 1 entry, follow the blog another entry, $15 additional given make for 3 more entries.)


Join us as we work to bring another little one into our family!
We are currently in the waiting stage for a referral for a toddler little boy from Ethi0pia.
We will hold the drawing on March 18th, 6pm {pacific standard time}
Remember to check back before then for an update of new items in the Spring Bag

missing one

p.s. you can also buy coffee from the Just Love button on the sidebar.
$5 per bag bought goes to our adoption fund!

**A special thank you to Blackflower & Company for the tea donations
& the Beehouse products.
Like them on Facebook to keep up the latest tea news!


**UPDATE - WINNER**
Thank you to everyone who gave!  We raised $165 on this little giveaway. 
We are so grateful for your gifts of love! 
Hope Brownlee is the winner of the bag & all the goodies!

Learning a Little about him

I am working to come up with some fundraiser ideas for our adoption fees.
But to start things off, we are doing a family fundsaver.

Now that we have a bed for future brother in the kid bunk room, the children ask about him often.

When is going to sleep there?  

When are you taking us to Grandma & Grandpa's so you can go see him?

Where will he sit at the dinner table?  Can I sit next to him?

What will his name be?

For our 40 days of Lent (first time, folks!  We have never given up anything for Lent.)

we are going to have an adoption fundsaver 

& a time of trying to learn a little bit more what little brother's meal time is like.

We are going to cut way back on the groceries.

I'll be honest, I am pretty nervous about this.

We are so spoiled with what we eat & drink. 

I've never really dieted or denied myself anything I wanted to eat.

I know, right?  Spoiled.

Our plan is no boxed cereal for breakfast.  Oatmeal instead.

No meat - mostly rice & beans & veggies.  

No candy, chocolate or goodies.

No alcohol.

We will save a lot of dollars, to save for adoption fees.

And hopefully we will learn a tiny bit what it is like to live with much less.

Does anyone have some good beans & rice recipes?

I found a few Ethiopian recipes I'll try- red lentils, chickpea wat &Injera.

We'll have pintos & spanish rice.

White beans & winter greens.

We'll have black beans & rice.

Veggie & barely soup.

Can anyone help us out with ideas?

For Ethiopian recipes, I bought this book 5 years ago 

& don't think I've ever made more than one thing from it.

Source: amazon.com via Erin on Pinterest

Now is the time to dive in.

Love is Easy, Love is Hard (a letter to my children)

Dear children,

You may have heard people say that marriage is hard.  
I've heard it a lot.  But, I think something else needs to be said.

Real love can be hard.  It is true.  
But, I think that choosing not to love is harder.
Love is hard & Love is easy.

How can that be? 
the thing about love is, it means getting off that comfortable seat where you may be sitting 
by yourself, & trying to let everything stay the same.
In order to love well, you need to think of others.  
You can't put yourself first.
Love is simple.  Love is considering the other.
And love is hard.  We want to look out for our own interests.

Love is easy, though.  
It turns out, sitting by yourself, in the corner, doing whatever you want,
is not all that lovely.
It is lonely.  Everything little thing that you do can seem lifeless.  
Complete drudgery.
Add another to the mix & pour on the love and things get a whole lot brighter.
Love makes things easier.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
Love is not easily angered.
Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things.

You remember the story of the giving tree?
He loved the boy so much, that even though the tree gave all of himself, it was easy.
From the outside looking in, people may look at you loving 
& say, "wow, how very hard that is!"
But to you, in the midst of acting in love it may be like the easiest thing in the world.

Shall I give an example?
When your Dad drops the bomb on me that it is necessary for him 
to work a bunch of extra hours in the next several days, 
the first thing I thought was how much I was bummed for myself.  
And I got a little miffed about it all.  And I sat silently pouting.
Was that easy?  Not really.  I had to be mad at him & be grumpy & all that.
When I (finally) stopped being irritated about it 
& started loving him well & caring about him, 
it all became a whole lot easier.

Do you want to know an easy love someday?  
Do this now - learn to put others first.
And someday when you are considering someone, 
with whom you may want to spend the rest of your life with, 
consider if that person is marked by selflessness.

You may find that love is easy. 

As seems true so often, 
Teresa of Calcutta said all this way better than I have just done, needing only a few words.
"I have found the paradox: 
If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."