Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Basics of Sex

This is not a body science lesson.
Let's get to the heart of the issue instead.
I think the basics are things like -
love, honesty, vulnerability, trust, commitment, selflessness.
These are the basic tools you need to take with you to bed.
(But actually, you should try to keep them with you at all times.)

As I said the other day, my friend Linda has been blogging about sex.
I have been impressed by it.
She & I have conversed about it.
We've talked about problems & pain that many deal with in their marriages.
We've prayed about it.
We've read books about it.
I have wanted to be able to write about the subject.
But, it is scary.
Sex is powerful & it affects us SO deeply, either negatively or positively.
It is a delicate matter.  I might say something wrong.  I might hurt someone.
I don't want to.

I think that is the similar issue many couples face.
They don't know how to talk about it.
It is a delicate issue.
They don't want to hurt the other one.
They don't want to be hurt.
How do you even approach the subject?
It is scary.

But, the marriage bed should be a place of safety.
It should be a place where we can show love.
The kind of love that can cast out those fears.

Don't you think the scariest part is the uncovering of your heart?
Open, laid bare, naked.
What if you look foolish?  Needy?  Broken?
What will the other person think?

Can I tell you something?
My husband & I had a great honeymoon.
It was a great beginning for our oneness.
There was uncertainty.  There was learning.
There was pain.  There was patience.

We went to Ireland.  We got married on a Saturday.  We flew out on Monday.
We got off the plane in Dublin & went to the train station.
We barely made it onto the train in time, to head west to Galway.
On that train ride, my body gave us a little wedding present.
My period!
me in Ireland
This gift which was initially unwelcome.
But, it helped to teach us something.
We were learning to talk about hard things.
Things like sex & emotions,
male & female & being different from each other,
needs & understanding each other & the like.

the husband there, too

And it is a conversation we are committed to continuing in together.
We try to speak in love, with honesty.
The more vulnerable & selfless we are, 
the more trust there can be.


(The next good gift we got on our honeymoon
was when I lost my toiletries case on the bus.
Make-up free, hairy legs, smelly armpits,
This is who I am, baby!)

7 comments:

Hummingbirder said...

Thanks for your post, Erin. You share some important info. and that's great! I think understanding the 5 love languages and the temperments has helped us the most. Our weekly date nights have given us that one on one time to communicate. We've been going on these for over 15 years now.

Stephanie said...

Look at the two of you - so young and in love! Remind me how many years you've been married again.

I agree that sex is a tough topic - to talk about, to put into practice in a fresh and vibrant way. Thanks for starting the conversation here.

P.S. I got my period on our honeymoon too.

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

Erin said...

Stephanie - We've been married 6 1/2 years!

LindaFaye said...

Erin,
Ah. It feels good have someone like you 'at my side' on this issue. I think a lot could be done by simply talking about reality and helping people know they're not alone.

Erin said...

Stephanie - We've been married 6 1/2 years!

Hummingbirder said...

Thanks for your post, Erin. You share some important info. and that's great! I think understanding the 5 love languages and the temperments has helped us the most. Our weekly date nights have given us that one on one time to communicate. We've been going on these for over 15 years now.

Linda said...

I just wanted to let you know that I included this post in my "Great Links to Honest Sex Talk" :)

http://mamamiamcmasters.blogspot.com/2011/04/great-links-to-honest-sex-talk.html