Commonality May Take Work

In an effort to make the blog more cheesy, I am turning Mondays into Marriage Talk Monday.  Okay?  So, let's talk it up.

I was reading this little Yahoo article on cheap date nights.  I thought some were pretty clever.  Like, I never would have thought of #2.  But, it sounds like a fun date, especially if you don't know anyone in the game or stands.
On the topic of dates, or even whether dates are beneficial or not, I was thinking that the main point is connecting with your spouse.  Working on your oneness bond.

Two couples can do the exact same thing for their date nights.  Each couple can follow the "rules" that many marriage counselors may share - Take time to be with one another & don't talk about kids or the house or work.  The first couple might have a great time & tell everyone else how beneficial the date was for their relationship.  They feel connected & recharged.  But, the second couple went away feeling no more close, no more refreshed.  They felt like the date was boring & a failure.

Do you ever struggle with finding something to talk about?  Maybe life just seems so mundane & there is nothing new to say?  Maybe you are in baby daze, with very little sleep & very little energy to think about much.  Maybe every thing that is interesting to you, isn't interesting to your spouse & the other way around, too.

Seek for commonality.  Work toward it.  Pursue one another's interests.  Seek oneness.  Maybe that means learning about something you thought you had zero interest in.  I don't mean that everything you do should be together, or that everything your spouse takes interest in, you should, too.  But, if you are of the stubborn variety, like myself, who likes to define yourself but what you don't do & don't like, maybe it is time to consider "compromising your personality".
For example, I don't "believe" in running.  You know, for exercise.  It is bad for me.  That's my belief.  If I were married to a runner, who wanted to run with me, I might have to reconsider & compromise my beliefs.  Thankfully, I am not married to a runner.

Anyway.  My main point is, actively pursue good conversation with your spouse.  Work at it.  Sometimes, it might be hard.  How about when day after day you are barely getting enough sleep to safely make it through each day?  You go through the day in a daze, trying to be patient with your little kiddos, not thinking about much of anything else.  I have been through lots of those.  Then, when the day is winding down & Scott and I get a chance to talk, I don't really have anything to say.  "How was your day, Honey?"  Tiring.  "What did you guys do?"  Not much.  You know, feed the kids, cleaned up after it, shopped for food, made dinner  How was your day?  "Tiring.  Just worked on reports all day at the office."  End of conversation.  I had nothing else in my head to talk about.

So, I've been there.  I didn't want to be there, though.  I purposed to do something about it.  I tried to listen to talk radio when I was out in the car, instead of music.  The topic of the radio show would give me something to talk to Scott about. Or, you can listen to a sermon CD.  Or an audio book. Read an article on Crosswalk.com.  They are short.  There are new ones all the time. Conversation food.
Learn something about common interests you share.  Purpose to work on your conversation.  I think being able to talk about meaningful & interesting stuff with your spouse might be step one to successful date.

What are your ideas to ignite conversation?