My friend Nini is often telling all her friends to go read the Metropolitan Mama Blog. I tried to ignore her for a while. But, she is really persistent. You know, posting about it a lot. Man. So, I finally went over there when Nini sent out the link for the 2009 top 10 blog posts, and told us all to read it. I was inspired by this one about whether or not date night is important to a good marriage.
I love romance. I love dates. I love flowers. I love kisses. I love holding hands. I love candles. I love weekend getaways. (Girlhood friends - "How romantical! Right?")
But. I love real life. And, love needs to be real. And not everything is rosy & romantical. I want my love to press on through the rough & come out stronger. Even if there isn't much opportunity for a lot of the romantical stuff.
Date nights are good. But, it is even better to be able to find the love & romance at home & in the every day; especially when a date isn't possible. My husband is showing he loves me when he wants to take me out for a special time alone, just the two of us. But, if I require the special outings, to feel loved, than I am not loving.
I do believe that it is a loving thing for me to try to be clean & attractive for my husband. But, I love that he loves me, even when I didn't take a shower that day. Or even brush my hair. Really. My husband still even tells me I am beautiful (with complete sincerity. No smirking or searching.)
I have a real life love story on that subject. Scott & I were on our honeymoon. I packed beauty items. Make-up, Perfume, razor & shaving cream, toothbrush, deodorant... They were all tidily stowed away in a marvelous train case that looked something like this one. It belonged to my parents. They were so kind as to let me take it. And then, on a bus in Ireland, 4 days after saying "I do" to my new husband, I lost it. I left it under my seat. We got off the bus. Checked into our Inn. Oh. No make-up. No moisturizer. No deodorant. No razor. No toothbrush?! And, we were in a little town. There was no drug store or anything of the kind. We had to go 2 days sharing a toothbrush. My husband didn't think it was a big deal. But, I was so mad & grouchy & whiny about it (not the toothbrush specifically. The whole situation). And then, when we were in the "big city" I still couldn't find any of the toiletries that I wanted. There was nothing I liked & I had to settle for mediocre.
Hmmm.... I wonder if a good attitude would have been a better accessory than a good hand lotion. It's nice to have soft skin. But, didn't God say that beauty is vain? And, to let your adornment be that of a meek & quiet spirit? I can show I love my husband by trying to look nice for him. But, if me looking nice is a necessity, than it isn't love. And, if I feel like I need to look nice, than I don't understand what true worth is.
Show love by actually loving. Not by a set of marriage tips & rules from how-to books. ("Don't have kids right away - enjoy one another" uh... so, once the kids come do we stop enjoying one another? thanks for the lame tip.) Show love by considering the other person above yourself. You know - be selfless. Those are things that Jesus says.
Look for what matters to your spouse. Look for where they need your support. Being thoughtful means actually thinking about the other person; and loving them the way they need to be loved. Show your spouse that they are the most important person to you. Do you show your husband that you love him more than you love the kids? You can do that without going on a date or wearing an expensive dress.
Romance is nice. But, it doesn't necessarily show the love. Someone can take you on dates & bring you flowers & light candles & not really love you. The one who is there, with you, through all the times when there is no chance to wine & dine, is the one who loves you. I do want to keep living a romantical life. But, it needs to be a real-life one.