Do you know the chapter? It's about sex.
So, as you may expect, the sermon was about the same subject.
One of the points pastor made was, "Sex is more about relating than it is about mating."
My husband gave my hand some squeezes & nudged my shoulder with his.
My whole self felt like shouting out, "Hallelujah!".
But I've never done any thing like that. I probably never will.
Instead I turned to give my guy a cheek kiss.
This isn't just a rhyming, easy to remember and a little bit cheesy sermon point.
It may be those things. But, I think it is really profound, too.
I've had it on my mind for the last couple weeks,
thinking about how vast the implications of this statement really are.
Sex is knowing.
To know & be known & still be loved & wanted is what a beautiful marriage is.
Remember the basics of sex? (Love, honesty, vulnerability, trust, selflessness...)
Viewing sex as a way of relating more than a biological act will mean:
The hotness of your body does not equal the hotness of your sex.
After the birth of my first child, when I was trying to take it easy
& let my body heal, I made a poor choice in reading material.
Have you heard of the book For Women Only? I don't really recommend it.
More on that another time.
But, I also really don't recommend it for reading directly postpartum.
It pretty much fed into all my fears that if men are visual,
then my less attractive body was going to cause our marriage to take a hit.
I shed more than enough tears over stretch marks & flabby bellies.
I felt a bit of jealousy over prettier women and their mere existence.
I started to wonder if I had to shelter my husband's eyes from other females.
I was already a grieving woman. I was full of postpartum hormones.
And now I had read a book that made me paranoid about the "visual" nature of men.
I'm not one to keep stuff like this to myself. I told Scott all about it.
He asked me, do you really think I married you for your body?
Do you really think you have to be the most gorgeous in the land to keep a hold on my heart?
Do you think my attraction to you is dependent upon you keeping a certain figure?
The answer was & is, NO!
(Did you read the link I shared earlier this week, Beauty vs. Sexuality? Check it out.)
Realities of life don't have to be an obstacle to your sex life.
Are you worn out? Stressed out? Sad?
Do you figure that doesn't make for good sex, so why bother?
I don't agree. If sex is more about relating than mating,
then you can have a good connection even when
you may think you are in the wrong mood.
Husband & wife should be able to come as they are
& connect with honesty, relating to one another.
Your baggage doesn't make you unworthy.
We all have our own issues that we bring to marriage. That is reality.
Some may come with heavier baggage than others.
Have you heard the illustrations that are given to Christian youth
in an effort to motivate them to save themselves for marriage?
Things about chewed pieces of gum, a lollipop licked by everyone,
or a rose with all its petals removed.
I don't like that. I do believe that virginity is worth saving for marriage!
But the thing is, there is redemption in Jesus. Forgiveness.
And there should be the same in a Christian marriage union.
Relating well to one another means forgiveness.
Again, come as you are.
Your sex life will not be dependent on your hormones.
Meaning that a desire for connection & unity can be motivation enough.
I know hormones can make you feel more or less interested in this kind of stuff.
But if sex is about relating more than a biological urge for mating,
then your heart & soul can be excited for connection,
even when you hormones may be telling you a different story.
A sex life that is about relating more than mating will contribute
to a connection outside of the bedroom.
Relating to your spouse with honesty & vulnerability,
giving & receiving love,
sharing secrets between only you two...
How can this not overflow & impact the rest of your relationship?
I remember a moment years ago when I was at breakfast with a dear lifelong friend.
We were single twenty-something young ladies.
She told me what a young married friend had said to her about sex.
"After a little while, it's nothing special.
It's just something you do before you go to sleep at night."
Our virgin selves found this disappointing.
Now as a married woman, I find it heartbreaking.
It sounds like a case of mating, without relating.
What do you think?
What other implications do you see in the relating vs. mating mindset?