This flashback is on the somber, teary side. It's 5 years old. It's something that has been on my mind lately.
5 years ago I was a newlywed wife, newly pregnant, newly grieving. This picture is us Scott & I, a couple weeks before the birth & death of our first child.
February, 5 years ago, began with me on serious bedrest. My new husband lay on the floor next to the couch every night, trying to sleep, but wondering why I was bleeding so much & hoping I wouldn't die. After a week of bedrest, we had an ultrasound. We didn't find the specific answer to why I was bleeding. But, we found out something else. We found out our baby had something called Anencephaly. And, we were told it is 100% fatal.
We were shocked, stunned. We had never heard of this. What was it? It is fatal for sure? Was the ultrasound tech right?
He was right. This was really happening to us. Our baby was not going to live. We were greatly grieved. There is much I could say about grief. But, that is perhaps for another time.
What I have been thinking about is something a little different. I have been thinking about, when we are face to face with great troubles, our priorities are often re-ordered.
Ours were. It didn't bother me anymore if Scott wore his muddy boots into the house, or emptied dirt from his pant cuff onto my clean floor. Morning sickness wasn't something I complained about. I was glad for it. We were able to see things from an eternal perspective. We had a very limited time with our dear baby. We needed to cherish it. Why grumble about the trivial?
I thought that this new perspective was a blessing that we had to keep. That now we would always be well aware of having our priorities straight. But, how quickly we forget. I don't forget Gabriel. Each time we find out that I am pregnant, we wonder if this new baby is okay, wonder if this new life will be so short as our first child's.
I remember certain things.
But, it was way too easy for me to forget to keep that eternal perspective. I get upset with my kids for squealing too loud & waking the baby. And, at that moment, I forget to rejoice that I have happy, healthy children. I get irritated when juice is spilled all over the floor I just mopped, and then stepped in and tromped all over the place.
I read this birth story yesterday. And, while reading more of this woman's blog, I got a good reminder from her.
I pray that God will keep me more & more mindful of what matters.