Saturday, May 24, 2008

Grief

I recently finished an excellent book by Wendell Berry - A Place on Earth. It is an amazing novel & I highly recommend it.
I was thinking on it this morning. Thinking about grief. Specifically loosing a child. I am sure most of you know of the death of Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter. You can read the tragic story all over the internet.
Anyway, I was thinking about them, praying for them. ...thinking about what a complicated emotion grief is. And, just thinking about a lot of heavy things from the last few days. My little brother fighting the summit wildfire, my parent's home being in close proximity to it...
How does the Chapman story relate to Wendell Berry, you ask? One of the story threads in the book is a family whose son is away at war. At the beginning of the story, they are notified that he is MIA. Berry takes us through their time of processing this information, and the various forms of grief that the family members experience. I was so struck by this conversation, between the husband & wife. I need to share -
Mat & Margaret are on the porch, watching their daughter-in-law play with some of the grandkids...
...And the Margaret asks: "What are you thinking about, Mat?"
The question startles him, for he gathers from the tone of her voice that she knows what he is thinking, and asks with daring and with fear.
"Loss" he says...
...He looks at Margaret, meeting her eyes.
"Loss. It singles us out."
She smiles at him, shaking her head. And he realizes that the singleness he is talking about never has belonged to her. She has been without even the comfort of that - not single and whole, but broken. He grows ashamed of his bitterness. He too is broken, as he has been, and has known, all along - that singleness of his attempt, typical of him, to prescribe terms to the world. The loser prescribes no terms.
"Mat, when we've lost it all, we've had what we've lost."
"But to lose it. Isn't there anything in you that rebels against that?"
She looks steadily at him, considering that - whether unsure of her answer or unwilling to answer too readily, he cannot tell. He is aware that Margaret it trying him, drawing deliberately at the bindings between them, as he tried her with his singleness.
"No," she says.
"None at all?"
"Virgil, " she says, as if to remind or acknowledge what they are talking about. "From the day he was born I knew he would die. That was how I loved him, partly. I'd brought him into the world that would give him things to love, and take them away. You too, Mat. You knew it. I knew so well that he would die that, when he did disappear from us the way he did, I was familiar with the pain. I'd had it in me all his life."
....
The story continues with more profound writings. You'll have to read it. But, I think these words from Margaret are incredible. I have had a similar feeling toward my children, after God teaching me this lesson so plainly with Gabriel. But I could have never shared this thought so beautifully as she (or Wendell, really...).

Grief & Wendell Berry

I recently finished an excellent book by Wendell Berry - A Place on Earth. It is an amazing novel & I highly recommend it.
I was thinking on it this morning. Thinking about grief. Specifically losing a child. I am sure most of you know of the death of Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter. You can read the tragic story all over the internet.
Anyway, I was thinking about them, praying for them. ...thinking about what a complicated emotion grief is. And, just thinking about a lot of heavy things from the last few days. My little brother fighting the summit wildfire, my parent's home being in close proximity to it...
How does the Chapman story relate to Wendell Berry, you ask? One of the story threads in the book is a family whose son is away at war. At the beginning of the story, they are notified that he is MIA. Berry takes us through their time of processing this information, and the various forms of grief that the family members experience. I was so struck by this conversation, between the husband & wife. I need to share -
Mat & Margaret are on the porch, watching their daughter-in-law play with some of the grandkids...
...And the Margaret asks: "What are you thinking about, Mat?"
The question startles him, for he gathers from the tone of her voice that she knows what he is thinking, and asks with daring and with fear.
"Loss" he says...
...He looks at Margaret, meeting her eyes.
"Loss. It singles us out."
She smiles at him, shaking her head. And he realizes that the singleness he is talking about never has belonged to her. She has been without even the comfort of that - not single and whole, but broken. He grows ashamed of his bitterness. He too is broken, as he has been, and has known, all along - that singleness of his attempt, typical of him, to prescribe terms to the world. The loser prescribes no terms.
"Mat, when we've lost it all, we've had what we've lost."
"But to lose it. Isn't there anything in you that rebels against that?"
She looks steadily at him, considering that - whether unsure of her answer or unwilling to answer too readily, he cannot tell. He is aware that Margaret it trying him, drawing deliberately at the bindings between them, as he tried her with his singleness.
"No," she says.
"None at all?"
"Virgil, " she says, as if to remind or acknowledge what they are talking about. "From the day he was born I knew he would die. That was how I loved him, partly. I'd brought him into the world that would give him things to love, and take them away. You too, Mat. You knew it. I knew so well that he would die that, when he did disappear from us the way he did, I was familiar with the pain. I'd had it in me all his life."
....
The story continues with more profound writings. You'll have to read it. But, I think these words from Margaret are incredible. I have had a similar feeling toward my children, after God teaching me this lesson so plainly with Gabriel. But I could have never shared this thought so beautifully as she (or Wendell, really...).

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Good Sister


Gillian is finally learning to talk a little bit. One of her favorite words is "hol" or hold... She is always asking to hold Peyton. And, she doesn't want any help from Mom or Dad, either! She wants to do it by herself.
Other favorite words - oameal, app-EE (happy), ba (ball), bu (Buzz), boo (book), bow (elbow)& Coke.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Forget-Me-Not

Saturday was the 3rd anniversary of our son Gabriel's birth & passing. We drove over to the cemetery where we buried his body. That is always a special time for us.

I thought I'd share a favorite scripture passage, that became especially important to me while I was pregnant with Gabriel.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels,

that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God & not we ourselves;

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;

perplexed, but not despairing;

persecuted, but not forsaken;

struck down, but not destroyed;

always carrying about in our body the dying of Jesus,

that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."

Friday, May 16, 2008

There's No Place Like Home

We were in Macdoel. Now, we are home. How wonderful. We actually drove home last Sunday. We got to surprise my Mom for Mother's day. That was fun! Scott worked really hard to be able to make it home by Sunday.

This wasn't our best time in Macdoel. We ended up staying more than half of the time in a "bunk" house. Initially, we thought it was only going to be a night or two. Then, it was 9 days... It was one room, beds & a kitchen, with a smaller room with laundry & bathroom. Gillian had to sleep in the laundry/bath. Poor girl. And, poor us, we couldn't use the bathroom, anytime she was asleep...

Gillian, Peyton & Scott all got some sort of stomach bug & were pretty sick. We had only a few days of wellness. Everyone was healthy today, thankfully! Peyton seemed to be getting sick again, after we got home. But, he seems fine now.

I didn't get a whole lot of projects finished. But, I did watch quite a lot of t.v.!

I knitted a hat for Peyton (which he has not been wearing since we got home).
I made a little embroidered felt case for my mom, for wallet-sized photos.

And, I made this sock elephant for a baby gift . Sadly, his ears are a little small looking. I think that is because I cut them too big, and they curl in towards his head too much. Oh well...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A Month Delay!




No time to post... We have no Internet time & we have much sickness in the fam. But, we are fine. I'll blog next week!